Has sex broken down in your relationship? Are you frustrated, resentful, and unsure how to recover the passion and love you once shared? There are two domains of a long-term committed relationship:
Companionship & ErosBreaking a relationship down into two parts.
Think of the companionship domain as your day-to-day life, the friendship, teamwork, life tasks, and daily journeying with each other. 🌻
This is what many couples refer to as their “sex life.” This is where fun, adventure, romance, novelty and pleasure lives. 🌻
It is completely normal for a couple to struggle in one or both domains. It can be challenging to resume each domain of the relationship once a hardship has passed. The triggering event/conflict/setback often resolves itself, but couples struggle to resume in the Eros domain of their relationship.
“We get along great! We work as a team. We collaborate well. We’re the best of friends. But…we don’t have sex (ever, enough, infrequently).”
“We argue all the time. Our arguments carry over for hours and sometimes days. Sex never happens because we can’t get along. We’re both angry, hurt or too resentful to be romantic or have sex with each other.”
“We never argue. We never fight. But we never (rarely) have sex.” “We love each other and we have our struggles at times. We do have sex, but it’s just not as satisfying as it was in the beginning.”
“Our relationship was fine until X happened (affair, childbirth, death of a family member, medical condition, car accident, job loss etc.) and we just can’t seem to connect.”
Many couples also say, “As soon as we argue less, feel more connected, appreciated, loved and supported by each other, we’ll naturally resume having sex.”
One of the biggest mistakes a couple can make is “waiting” to work on, work through or improve the Eros domain of their relationship. Many couples have been taught that their long-term loving relationships must be blissful and conflict-free before sex can be co-created and evolve. Or couples believe that if there are problems in their sex life, a bigger problem must be lurking in their relationship/marriage/union. Both are myths. Working within both domains of your relationship (Companionship & Eros) simultaneously is the best way to make progress and grow towards trust, intimacy, and overall relationship satisfaction.
What should you do? Call an experienced couples therapy specialist. A specialist is someone who focuses on, has training in, and experience working with couples in both of the vital domains of your relationship: Companionship & Eros.
Couples therapy IS sex therapy. Look for a competent, trained, experienced Couples therapist, not a “Sex Therapist”.
A supportive couples workshop exploring the science of love, communication, and healthy conflict.
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